Why “Old-School” ABA Felt Harmful—and What newer ABA models are Actually Meant to Do
What should ABA be focusing on?
It Starts With Social-Emotional Development
- Read facial expressions
- Understand emotions
- Follow nonverbal cues
- Share attention
- Enjoy reciprocal connection
New ABA = Teaching, Not Training
Modern ABA approaches like NET (Natural Environment Teaching) and NDBI (Natural Developmental Behavioral Interventions) focus on helping children develop the social-emotional skills they missed, in the same way a parent naturally teaches these things.
- “I’m so happy!”
- “Yay, you did it!”
- “Was that a good choice?”
Just like physical therapy wouldn’t make a child ride a bike before they can walk, developmental teaching doesn’t jump ahead. It goes step-by-step:
- Determine where the child is on their social emotional developmental mile track.
- Teach core social communication skills.
- Teach core social communication skills.
- Support emotional awareness.
This approach lowers the child’s sympathetic nervous system activation—the constant internal “stress mode” that so many autistic kids feel when trying to navigate social situations without the developmental foundation to support them.
“Old School” ABA vs. NET or NDBI type of ABA: The Real Difference
- “Trains” behaviors
- Forces scripted responses
- Increases stress
- Focuses on compliance
- Often ignores emotional understanding
- Teaches naturally, like a parent
- Builds genuine understanding
- Supports social-emotional development
- Helps children and parents understand how to reduce anxiety and stress
- Helps the child read the room, not memorize scripts
The keyword here is teaching, not training.
What to Look for in a Good ABA Provider
- Use NET or NDBI
- Prioritize emotional development over compliance
- Follow the child’s lead and interests
- Teach communication naturally
- Support self-regulation and connection
- Treat your child like a learner, not a performer
Good ABA should feel like support not pressure.





